Me and My Kidney Stone

I have a kidney stone. Right now. It hurts. Wait, let me restate that.


4mm, a chunky grain of sand, causing me pain equal to that of labor. I made it through labor without pain medication, but not this. Percocet, you impotent bastard, why does your opiate goodness fade away after only 2 hours? I must wait 4 hours before I can rely on you again.

It hurts like a thousand piranhas gnawing me from the inside, like a hundred jellyfish stinging me, like a well-manicured beauty queen squeezing my kidney accompanied by the sound of that same beauy queen’s nails scraping across a blackboard.

And that’s when the Percocet is doing something.