More Layoffs

Hot on the heals of Starbucks’ announcement last week that it will be closing 600 underperforming stores comes this surprising news: Al-Qaeda to Close Seattle Cell, Cites High Insurance Costs.

The unnamed spokesman in the grainy video cited skyrocketing insurance costs as the primary reason for closing the Seattle cell. “Health, dental, vision, life, automobile, home… it adds up fast,” said the figure.